Going to call it Defining the Divine Decade. Martin Carter: Aye, I thought you might even say a few words since you'd like been there, done that, got the tshirt. In fact there were quite a few parties where one wore nothing at all. Lexie MacDonald: Perhaps she thinks you're starting to take her for granted. Duncan McKay: But I've not, though. I mean just last week I bought her chocolates and not the ones on special offer. Kilwillie: I'm not a chap who finds this sort of thing easy. Oh Molly, I'd like to marry you.
Archie MacDonald: [to Duncan in bed with an ice-pack after his bar-fight] How are you feeling? Archie MacDonald: [Spiritualists and clairvoyant are meeting at Glenbogle] Did they leave all their brooksticks by the door? She's a water diviner. Could you possibly show her where the loo is, she's having trouble finding it. Kilwillie: And just for the record, I am only a few pounds heavier than the official national average for my height and build. I just happen to be three inches shorter.
Lexie MacDonald: [after Archie tries paragliding] No more suicidal sports, okay? Auntie Liz Logan: Four weeks cruising the Med. Four weeks of sea and sand and s Even the turrets have turrets. Lady Dorothy Trumpington-Bonnet: He was the love of my life.
I just wanted to make him happy, but his wife made such a fuss about it. Lexie MacDonald: Why do they all have to leave me? First my dad, and then Archie, and then my dad again Lexie MacDonald: But then where is he? Why hasn't he even phoned me? Why hasn't he called? Paul Bowman: I don't know. I don't know what he's chasing after when he's got you here.
All my life I've been looking for a home and now I've found Glenbogle. I'm not going anywhere. I'd never leave you - [stops himself] I'd never leave this place. Edith McDougal: Oh yes, I get plenty of visitors. You can see their circles in the long grass up in the high field.
Edith McDougal: Where they land their spacecraft. Mind you, they haven't been here for a while. I think they prefer America this time of year. Duncan McKay: You didn't. Golly, I'm a grown man. I can screw things up for myself. Archie MacDonald: Duncan, this is Glenbogle. The papers don't arrive until lunchtime. Lexie MacDonald: Duncan has always supported you.
Think of all the things he's done for Glenbogle. Lexie MacDonald: You'll find that some of our old Highland customs involve violence and livestock. Duncan McKay: I think I had the best night out since they invented nights out. Hamish McKinnon: What might have been counts for nothing. It's just a dream. Ewan Brodie: Hadn't you heard? There's no such thing as trespass in Scotland.
Ewan Brodie: Elvis. I never died. I've been in the Highlands living on berries. Molly MacDonald: I wish people wouldn't do that. Very little good comes of it. Lizzie MacDonald: I've just come to see you, tell you some of the things that have been happing in my life.
Duncan McKay: It's good of you to put me up, Golly. Just until I get my act together, you know. Paul Bowman: Lex, I just wanted to say I'm really looking forward to working with you. Golly Mackenzie: I'm not a miracle-worker. If I was, I'd have used one on myself by now. Lexie MacDonald: It looks like we've just had the gross national product of Holland delivered. Gregor McIntosh: [about the Lagganmore distillery] The place is to be run by a female! Gregor McIntosh: The former owner's daughter, a mere slip of a girl with no experience, now seeks to form a powder puff alliance with a young MacDonald female.
Paul Bowman: Who this morning claimed to speak for the laird on the flimsy pretext of marriage! Molly MacDonald: Hector was so last minute we had to race to the registry office on the Vesper. Molly MacDonald: Oh, well in those days skirts were so short they barely covered you.
Hardly noticed. Lexie MacDonald: The best decisions that Archie ever made were a blend of the coldly logical and the ever so slightly barking. Dorothy: [pushing plate away] Take it away. I don't expect to be charged. Call yourself a chef? Feed it to the pigs; that's all it's fit for. Lexie: Paul, when you were in the army, did they teach you that thing where you could just kill a man with a single blow?
Lexie: [Reading a magazine article about herself] The Queen of Glenbogle? That's not me. Isobel Anderson: Tell me, is he a total moron, or does he just not care about what happens on his estate? Paul Bowman: On the contrary, he's extremely intelligent and damned good looking as well, but that's just my opinion. Golly Mackenzie: Pond or a loch, this size can't sustain you and your guests every week of the year. You have to let it recover. You have to think of the symbiosis. Joe Reavey: Call me Joe, please.
Sheriff's just an honorary title for services to the old boy network. Golly Mackenzie: I'm sorry Donald, but there is no role for the laird's uncle. I'm sorry. Donald MacDonald: Oh, just as at Hector's inauguration. All I got to do then was stand around looking young, dashing and handsome.
Donald MacDonald: I had no idea your job was so boring. What's feudal duty exactly? Paul Bowman: It's an ancient tax on the tenants. In theory they're still the vassals of the laird and they're supposed to pay me for the privilege of not working my land and fighting my wars. Paul Bowman: I don't enforce it.
I'm all in favour of upholding traditions, but crucifying tenants isn't one of them. Proctor Sheila MacDonald: Actually crucifixion was rarely the punishment for defaulting tenants. More often it was flogging, branding or merely a week in the stocks. Proctor Sheila MacDonald: So you're renouncing the feudal duty. Such a shame. One more link in our ancient clan heritage lost.
Evict all the tenants and replace them with sheep. Golly Mackenzie: What Donald knows about clan history you could tattoo on a midge's nipple. Ewan Brodie: All right, Donald. Now concentrate. Donald MacDonald: Because this is how we learn our heritage, at our mother's knee. Though my mother's knees were probably hairier than yours.
Paul Bowman: What the hell is this, Donald? Feudal duty? You seriously want your tenants to pay you for not working your land? Donald MacDonald: I can't be blamed if certain former incumbents neglected to collect it. Donald MacDonald: On the contrary, it's the very cornerstone of lairdship. A cherished link to the past. I'm sure the peasants will be delighted to pay it. Paul Bowman: Oh, keep this up Donald and the peasants will form a co-op and buy the land out from under you and then you'll be laird of naff all.
Driving in excess of the legal speed limit whilst playing the bagpipes. Lexie MacDonald: I'm not leaving because of you. I'm leaving because I'm married to your brother. Paul Bowman: New Zealand is Archie's dream.
Not yours. What is it you really want, Lexie? Irvine Taylor: The Great Escape. An enjoyable film, especially that great moment. You speak German? Paul Bowman: I spent some time there. As did this British fascist who was spying for the Nazis.
You speak German too? Irvine Taylor: I spent some time there. The last war I was in the air force. Golly Mackenzie: Pleasing yourself is one of the perks of being middle aged, free and single.
Golly Mackenzie: I'm going to do something that I never, ever do. I'm going to talk and you three are going to listen.
Golly Mackenzie: I went to Ullapool once. I think I was about 20 or something. Paul Bowman: Right Donald, you were in the Army for about five minutes. You know what the term "confined to barracks" means? Lucy Ford: So there we are, out on this drive, all perfectly innocent and all of a sudden the car is surrounded by military police. Paul Bowman: Poor Lieutenant? He knew exactly what he was doing. You do not go out with your CO's daughter. Lucy Ford: It was no fun being me.
I mean I have friends who complain about over protective fathers, but mine could mobilise NATO to stop me going on a date. McGonagle: The MacIntosh shuffle is reliable, but it's a bit old hat. Whereas the Morrocan double, that's very popular around here. Never have, never will. I very much doubt that he will either. McGonagle: Well that guy that failed to mention he was an ex-Para.
Are you sure? Chester Grant: True. We just won't mention your dark and murky past, then, eh? McGonagle: You know this is extraordinary. This is going to be the first non-bent shooting match in Scottish history. Paul Bowman: So Uncle, tell me. Which part of this did you think was an especially good idea? The fraud, the forgery or breaking the curfew order. Please tell me I haven't missed anything out. Donald MacDonald: It seems I owe you a vote of thanks, an apology, a few quid and a pile of crockery.
In no particular order. Paul Bowman: You're a MacDonald. You're allowed to be an expensive liability. In fact it's pretty much expected. But if you could stop short of felony next time, I'd appreciate it. Jessica McCrae: I chose to be a ghillie.
It's not the sort of job where you're likely to bump into the love of your life. Lucy Ford: [Lucy rides past Paul on her horse] Good morning, your lairdship. Golly Mackenzie: Hector used to favor the old Moroccan double, but his father before him preferred the MacIntosh shuffle.
Golly Mackenzie: You might lose. A man in your position can hardly leave a matter like this to chance. Golly Mackenzie: Certainly not. Good grief, cheat. What I'm saying is, you pay my wages, I am your right hand man if you like. Why keep a dog and bark yourself? Especially if the dog is a fine shot and hidden in the bushes. Golly Mackenzie: That's a novel idea, though it flies in the face of MacDonald tradition.
Golly Mackenzie: If the truth be told I didn't think I'd ever find her. It was better than lying in my bed night after night staring at the ceiling. So I went to see friends she'd mentioned, places she'd taught at. Thought if I could bump into her when she was least expecting it. Golly Mackenzie: Where the tenants present the laird with an extremely long list of grievances. Golly Mackenzie: Just then the laird suffers an acute case of deafness.
Temporary, of course. Ewan Brodie: Now the idea is to boil the vegetables until they acquire the taste of an old dishcloth. Molly MacDonald: I've had a call back from the school. They've asked me to go in for a trial tomorrow.
Donald MacDonald: I've been called many things in my life, mostly insults, but never a hero. Duncan McKay: I've warned you about that, no good will come of it. This is important. Edith Parker: At least he'll enjoy spending his money on me. It's not as if he has anyone else to leave it to. Donald MacDonald: Things are worse than I thought. Not only is my ancestral home being turned into a glorified bed and breakfast establishment, they are serving bean turd.
Donald MacDonald: Where will it end? Obese Americans gee-whizzing in the family silver? A gift shop? Please God, don't let there be a gift shop! Tried to form an alliance with the English. Molly MacDonald: Well first he was hung, drawn and quartered, then they dragged his body around the estate with wild horses, and finally they just fed him to the wolves. Donald MacDonald: To paraphrase an old drinking chum of mine, "ask not what Glenbogle can do for you, ask what you can do for Glenbogle".
Donald MacDonald: We got married. It was a very brief affair. The worst day and a half of my life. Donald MacDonald: Oh, I never give advice. A wise man doesn't need it and a fool won't take it. Ewan: How many more are you going to take? I'm freezing my backside off here. Simon Cotter: [talking about the 'water horse'] You're assuming she likes sunshine; I reckon she prefers rain.
Simon Cotter: An elusive creature pursued by men at great cost for little reward; no no no, she's a female all right. Redhead probably. Hamish: These are without doubt the most catastrophic set of accounts I've seen in 50 years.
Oh, the page for thickos, otherwise known as the Executive Summary, is on page 5. Malcolm McRae: There's a million fungi whose only ambition is to settle down somewhere nice and get pan fried in butter with a bit of Ayrshire bacon. Amy McDougal: It was a week before the college interview and I hadn't done any work and I had to do a still life, a landscape and an abstract and I didn't know where to start.
Amy McDougal: I am not. I'm I can leave school, get a job, play the lottery, get a passport, join a union, pay tax, join the army. Golly Mackenzie: I think he will. I've a terrible fear I've fathered a crocodile. Paul: I had no choice. In the last year we've failed to reach the income targets laid out in our business plan. I thought the bank was going to give us more time. They haven't.
So they've foreclosed on the loan to the estate. Selling the house is the obvious way of paying it off. Molly: [to Hector's ghost] I could kill you. It's a good job you're already dead! Molly: I would rather be poor with a man I love than rich with someone I don't.
Ewan Brodie: You know, when the time comes I want to grow old disgracefully. Just like Donald. Golly Mackenzie: [at a service dedicating a memorial for Hector] Forgive me, Fiona. I just want to say a few words. Mainly to this man here. Golly Mackenzie: Peter Finlay you've been gone from this place for nigh on forty years and I've seen your face in my dreams countless times.
You suffered a terrible wrong here. You were no thief. And I know that for the simple reason that I was. Golly Mackenzie: I know I know. It was Old Golly, the faithful servant, the upright man.
I'm afraid it's true. Golly Mackenzie: I stole this ring. I robbed my Laird and I let another man suffer for my crime. Never felt that way before. But, you were out of my reach and you had Hector, the love of your life. But I had to have something of you, a token of you, of what I felt for you You were in Molly's bedroom that day fixing her radiator. Wrong place, wrong time. Golly Mackenzie: I was young I'm making no excuses. If it's any consolation, I have been punished for it.
I've never known happiness - lasting happiness - with any woman. I brought that on myself. Golly: He terrorized the people of these mountains for years. Stealing the cattle. Killing the menfolk, kidnapping children from their beds where they lay.
He was a beast, without a scrap of human feeling or decency. So, he had to die. Golly: It was the turn of the year thirteen hundred and four, and he'd been lured here by the promise of MacDonald hospitality. His men were plied with drink which had been drugged, so they just fell down, senseless. And at the stroke of midnight the assembled company turned on the bandit chief and stabbed him, so that no one man would be held responsible.
Legend has it that he was cut by fifty swords. Golly: Or was it? With his dying breath he cursed the family MacDonald, and swore to haunt the House by the Water forever. Specially at Hogmanay.
Lexie: You've actually come the back way, so if you punch six-six-six into the keypad, and then the barrier will open. Now the house is five miles further on. OK, see you soon. Duncan: Tell you what, though. Duncan: You know that thing with exploding bottles and [mimes using a sword] whishoo, whishoo. You know. How did you do that? They all look up, and scream]. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.
If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Forgot your password? Retrieve it. TV Shows. Monarch of the Glen Screenplay » Edit Buy. Year: 1, Views. Donald Ulyses MacDonald: One should not be late for luncheon at the palace! Donald Ulyses MacDonald: I was only going one way dammit! Lexie MacDonald: Amanda. You're here early. Amanda MacLeish: Actually I never left. Lexie MacDonald: Shouldn't you be away executing somebody?
Amanda MacLeish: I'll go polish my axe! Amanda MacLeish: Do you have a problem with me being here? Lexie MacDonald: No. Amanda MacLeish: Good. Lexie MacDonald: But I think your husband might. Paul Bowman: What if you weren't married to Archie? Isobel Anderson: I'm more of a Highlander than you'll ever be, Mr. Isobel Anderson: You don't know what it is to let your hair down, do you?
Paul Bowman: Don't I? Paul Bowman: Never had you down as a team player, Isobel. Paul Bowman: You gave Donald the questions? Paul Bowman: Not for me, it wasn't. You knew what this meant to me, Lucy. Paul Bowman: I'm not sure I can forgive you.
Lucy Ford: 'Cos you don't love me, do you? Paul Bowman: Lucy, I wanted to. It's just Lucy Ford: It's just Isobel, isn't it? It's always been Isobel. Paul Bowman: I'm really sorry. Lucy Ford: So am I. So, that's us quits then. Maureen: He's returned. Katrina: Who, Maureen? Hector: [At breakfast] Where are my Marmite soldiers? Lexie McTavish: I had them court martialed and shot. Hector: I always have Marmite soldiers with my boiled egg! Lexie McTavish: Bairns will be bairns.
Lexie McTavish: Ach, away and play with your lineage. Hector: Tell me, how's that bar of yours doing? Molly MacDonald: Hector, behave. Archie: It's not a bar, it's a restaurant.
It opened last night. Molly MacDonald: Hector, must you be so rude? Hector: Bad behaviour is one of the few privileges of old age. Lexie: [takes away Hector's plate] Enjoy that, did you, Hector? Hector: It smells of wet dog. Lexie: And I love you too. Thank you, Lexie. Archie: Anything for me? Hector: I fear not.
Archie: What about that? It's from the bank, look. Hector: Yes, but it's addressed to me. See: Hector N. Macdonald, Esquire. Archie: [reching for it] It must be estated business. Fleming: Me? Lexie: I'm not cross-eyed, pet. I am looking into your deep blue eyes. Fleming: I, uh, I, I, I couldn't possibly say. Fleming: Tell Lexie it's Lancelot.
Archie: Hm? Fleming: My name. Question from Flora Suttie: What did you think of wearing a kilt? Richard Briers: I thought I looked rather fetching! Did you enjoy being her husband? Richard Briers: Yes, she's absolutely lovely. One in a million. Question from Tom Hickman: Do you have any plans on what your next upcoming television show or whatever you choose to do will be?
Richard Briers: I'm doing two plays in the theatre. No TV. Run from the end of March until end of May. It's called Bedroom Farce. I prefer theatre but TV keeps you well known. Comment from Katy England: You were absolutely brilliant all through the series and left me in tears tonight! Question from Grant Harrold: Richard, That really was a sad exit. I was sorry to hear you were leaving Monarch of the Glen. My question is did the famous Scottish Midges affect or annoy you?
Richard Briers: The midges were only bad at Ardverikie near the loch. Occasionally they were very bad and very painful but not for too long. Question from Lizz Shaw: Did you bring any souvenirs from Glenbogle away with you, to remember the series and location?
Richard Briers: Not really. The company gave me a very nice painting of the house and I have very nice photos. Also I have a copy of the painting Molly painted of me. Question from Jeremy Backshall: Richard, you said in the Radio Times, that you may pay a visit whilst the next series is being filmed. Have you thought about directing an episode? Richard Briers: Not qualified I'm afraid.
Richard Briers: Not really, we had a lot of trouble sometimes, laughing too much. Most of the time it was very, very professional. We had great laughs with the crew, absolutely the best I've worked with in 45 years. It was very emotional when I left. Question from Ellie McLean: How old were you when you first began your acting career? Richard Briers: I was 20, I was an amateur from 14 but my first professional role was at Question from Darren Bellingham: What was it like to work in that great house, and did you stay overnight on occasions?
Richard Briers: I would never stay overnight! It was very, very cold. It's no exaggeration to say that when you enter the house you put your anorak on!
Question from Helen Livingstone: Did you have any problems with the Scottish accents? Richard Briers: I cannot do any accent. Luckily Hector was educated at Oxbridge and speaks very posh. Lairds do not have Scottish accents.
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